The Linglestown Penny Sentinel

Established 1847 — Tuesday, May 14, 1996 — One Cent
From the Front Page · Special Edition
RESIDENTS REPORT ‘COMMUNAL SENSE OF BEING OBSERVED’
FOR SIX HOURS ON MONDAY EVENING
Borough Council issues single-line statement. Investigators find no electromagnetic anomalies. The Dairy Queen on Mountain Road has been closed since March.
By a Staff Reporter

Residents of Linglestown reported, throughout the evening of Monday, May 13, an extended sensation of being “watched, communally” that began at approximately 4:14 in the afternoon and persisted, without notable variation, until shortly after 10 in the evening. The reports were widespread, were received from households across all twelve precincts of the township, and were, in the words of one Borough employee speaking on condition of anonymity, “the closest thing I have ever experienced to a unanimous town meeting.”

Investigators dispatched by the Pennsylvania State Police arrived at approximately 7 in the evening, reportedly at the request of the Borough Council. They departed at 11:30, having taken no fewer than forty-one written statements and confirmed, in writing, that no electromagnetic anomalies, no unusual seismic activity, and no functioning Dairy Queen could be identified within a thirty-mile radius. (The Linglestown Dairy Queen, at the corner of Mountain Road and Boyer’s Lane, has been closed since 14 March for reasons the franchise has declined to specify.)

“we know.”
— statement of the borough council, in full

The Borough Council, in an extraordinary brief session held shortly after midnight, issued a written statement on the matter. The statement, distributed without letterhead and consisting of a single line, read in full: “we know.” When pressed for elaboration, Mayor Heffelfinger (no relation) declined further comment, telling this reporter only that “the rest of it is on a need-to-know basis,” and walking back into the Borough Hall.

Residents this morning report ordinary business and no continued sensation. Several have indicated, however, that they do not intend to discuss Monday evening with anyone, including with each other; an arrangement which, the Borough Council’s communications office confirms, is “the preferred approach.”

This newspaper’s offices, located at 5 N. Mountain Road, were among the locations that reported the sensation. The reporter assigned to the present article was, at the time, on the premises. He prefers not to be named in the byline. He also prefers not to walk past the manhole on the corner of Main and North Mountain for the foreseeable future.

Inside: Township Property Values, See p. 4. The Borough Council Meeting Calendar, p. 5. Recipes for Beet, p. 6. The Sentinel’s Page 3 has, owing to a printer’s error, been left blank in the present edition.