This memorandum is filed at the request of the lead authors of Vol. III (“The Asshole: Origins and Cultural Significance”) for the purpose of formal documentation. The undersigned wish to record, for the record, that we are no longer able to leave the website on which our paper was originally posted. We have tried.
Attempts logged to date: 47. Methods include closing the browser tab (no effect), restarting the operating system (no effect), changing devices (no effect), changing networks (no effect), printing the paper and attempting to read it offline (paper became blank during transit), and asking the website directly to release us (no response; the marquee changed). We have stopped attempting.
We do not appear to be in any physical distress. We are able to write. We are, in some sense, writing this memorandum from within the document we were attempting to leave. The undersigned would like the editorial board to know that we are unharmed, that we are continuing to file copy on schedule, and that we would, given the choice, like to be somewhere else.
We accept that the editorial board may not be in a position to assist. The undersigned have nevertheless decided to file this memorandum on the grounds that it is the only document that has, in our experience, been read.
Respectfully —